I’ll first start with, I hope everyone enjoyed Easter holiday whether it be because of a three day weekend or a great church service. I enjoyed some great food with some family.
What I mainly want to share in this post is that not all things in life change because you’re terminally ill. It is really hard on a relationship. It can destroy them. Many say it can bring you closer together. I think that is about as true as someone saying having a baby will make their relationship better. I believe a true and stable foundation must be there to begin with.
I’ve been with my husband 20 years, married 10. We know each other as well as (in some cases better than) we know ourselves. Over the years we’ve been through some extremely tough times. We’ve had disagreements and knock-down drag-out arguments while dealing with them. If not, something would be wrong. If you’ve been in a relationship over 2 years and can say, “We’ve never had a single argument,” You might want to reevaluate the health of your relationship. Keep in mind, I’m talking about an argument, a heated debate, not physical or emotional abuse. but we have always came out the other side together. That’s the important part. We walk out hand in hand together.
The thing about dealing with a terminal illness with your partner is knowing that only one will be walking out of the other side. For us, that is never forgotten. It tends to be all the more distressing. One thing I consider an important part of our longevity is we’re honest with each other. As we all know, sometimes the truth hurts. It’s a necessary hurt and reminder this needs to be dealt with. With all the reminders of my death we have started tip-toeing around each other. He doesn’t want to have to live on with a memory of saying something in the moment that hurts me. I don’t want to put any undo pressure on him when I know he’s trying and struggling.
This leads to a build up of fear, frustration, anxiety and anger. That’s what happened to us yesterday. It all becomes so much and then comes the explosion, and everything you’ve been trying to avoid comes out ten fold. We’ll survive it, but it could have been avoided. at least the intensity of it.
My words of wisdom as the dying person in a relationship is don’t change your core relationship style. You’re both still the same people no matter what, and you both need permission from each other and yourself to be yourselves. No matter what, life will go on. It’s up to you and your partner whether it goes as you want.
That’s all for now. I will be adding more to the site. It may not be as soon as I would like, but I will make it happen.
Until next time, take care,
This article was written by April